I have expanded my music list and knowledge from the menz. I thought you might enjoy seeing some of these. I'm not going to go in chronological order because I don't feel like it:
"Creep" by Scott Bradlee's Postmodern Jukebox, Hailee Reinhart
GQ sang Creep to me. His version was by Brian Justin Crum, who is amazing. He sang this to me, the whole song, in bed, in my ear so sweetly. I sent him my version I listened to, this one, and it became his favorite. We played this song a million times. This song places me right back there in his arms. Ouch. Also, Creep? Not a great foreshadowing for a relationship, amiright?
"Just the Way You Are" by Bruno Mars
I was pillow-talking with The Poet last night, so goddamn fun always. Normally we talk about writing and such but this time we got to talking about dating and sex.
Before I knew I was dating the Casanova of KC, I thought we were a thing you know. I thought I was his and he was mine. I'm not putting all the details here but suffice to know that the bedroom wasn't the same as it used to be. He is tired you know, from his chaotic lifestyle of drinking and hot babes.
I thought it ballsy of him to come hangout with my sister and I as he should know no one in my inner circle thinks he is good for me. He did seem off. He progressively got in a better space afterward at the bar; I was glad he came. We did look into each other's eyes a bit but I was trying to read him. Seester thought I was getting hot and bothered. I wasn't. I did kiss him goodbye but it wasn't hot and heavy. He said I need to talk to you, several times. I said okay.
(Part of my book is writing I did before I got divorced. This is one of those chapters.)
I see life slipping by. I want to travel so much. It just seems like we are hanging on by our fingernails. He doesn’t feel it. If he has a TV, recliner, nasty food, coonhounds, cows and me; he’s happy.
I'm not going to date a married guy. -Sunday, 2:12 p.m.
Coffee Meets Bagel fell in love with me already. I've thought about it and the reason the date went so well was that he really "got" me. He laughed at my stories, asked great questions that were thoughtful, and thought I was amazing gorgeous. What more can you ask?
Oh yeah that maybe they are singllllllllle. Ugh.
Looking at happy pix of Hoppy Sport Sport and playing Adele is a sure-fire route to tears.
-Second week of Singleness, 2019
Well darlings, this is the first day I’ve been sad but I caused it myself. I looked at my old Facebook photos of Hoppy Sporty Sport. Hoppy will probably always be attractive to me; he is a golden boy in my eyes. I just knew I needed to move on. I felt a weight lifted when I moved out. And I have not felt sad one moment since I left him, until today.
But I looked at those photos and you know you don’t post the hard moments. You post the happy moments or you make them look happy. I looked and thought it would be fine, then it kinda soaked in my head a bit, so I felt lonely today.
I never knew what I was doing...