The Year of Sluttery: What to do, what to do...

Looking at happy pix of Hoppy Sport Sport and playing Adele is a sure-fire route to tears.
-Second week of Singleness, 2019

Well darlings, this is the first day I’ve been sad but I caused it myself. I looked at my old Facebook photos of Hoppy Sporty Sport. Hoppy will probably always be attractive to me; he is a golden boy in my eyes. I just knew I needed to move on. I felt a weight lifted when I moved out. And I have not felt sad one moment since I left him, until today.
But I looked at those photos and you know you don’t post the hard moments. You post the happy moments or you make them look happy. I looked and thought it would be fine, then it kinda soaked in my head a bit, so I felt lonely today.

After the Facebook photo tour,  I played Adele while I was making dinner. And I was tired and I was hungry. I really did it to myself didn’t I? Yep. I cried a little. I felt sad. I missed his hugs and sweet kisses. He is kind and wanted the best for me. Darlings, he gave me a letter when I left in which he called me a great woman.
I did the right thing. I took a nap and ate. I went for a luscious run outside in the gorgeous sunshine in my beautiful city and I felt kick-ass cool. I may have to stop dating these wankers off Bumble. I think it makes me sad. What do you think I should do? 
Here’s what I want and maybe you can give me some advice, you wise women (and men) out there. 

1. I think I want a friends-with-benefits situation. Someone to have a drink with or go listen to music, to laugh and talk and flirt and have sex with. But not text everyday, not even see each other every week I don’t think. 
2. I want my independence. I don’t want to plan my life around anyone except myself right now. You know what I mean, “Why are you staying up so late?” Or “Why are you on the phone so long?” Or “I don’t want to eat that.” None ‘o that. 
3. I want to have fun. I don’t mind at all riding my bike by myself, running, working out, going to a gallery, shop, reading, or watching a film. I do mind going to a concert and it seems weird to go to Happy Hour and have a little conversation with yourself about life. 
4. I want to flirt and be flirted with, and have some banter and feel beautiful.

Cuz I am.

Gimme some advice sweet readers. 

Advice from a smart reader
What you said you want – I think that THAT is what a lot of people really want, even those in so-called committed relationships. The human soul is strong, and to be in a relationship where you have to conform to what society tells you a relationship should be is like being held prisoner. We as individuals give up parts of our individuality when we enter into a relationship. We may love seafood, but our partner hates it, so we don’t eat it as much to “compromise.” Or we may love rom-com movies, but our partner will only watch action movies, and so every time we go out to watch a movie, we will watch something that is agreeable to both, even though he really wanted to watch the latest Marvel movie, and I wanted to watch the latest romance movie. There is too much of giving up of ourselves to make a relationship work. When you put things in this perspective, singledom ain’t so bad, right? But as strong as our souls are, we also yearn for some type of consistent mate, one we can trust to always be there when we are feeling like crap or when we just want some type of physical release. The FWB situation hardly ever works, as inevitably one party will start to catch feelings. Feelings always ruin everything.
I think you should continue doing what you’re doing, and you will carve your own path. Best wishes.
-Eve


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