Before I knew I was dating the Casanova of KC, I thought we were a thing you know. I thought I was his and he was mine. I'm not putting all the details here but suffice to know that the bedroom wasn't the same as it used to be. He is tired you know, from his chaotic lifestyle of drinking and hot babes.
He did some yard work in the 100 degree heat. I watched. He was trimming these little Japanese Maples. They'd grown out into the sidewalk brushing anyone who walked by and were out of hand. He was cutting back those branches and saying how good it felt to do it and then to see the progress. I couldn't help but say the metaphor of how his life might be like that too. He saw it and even though I thought my metaphor kind of heavy-handed I think it did impact him.
I drove home, showered and got dressed for brunch, asked him to pick me up after he got cleaned up. At brunch the server knew him. His body language wasn't like it usually is, which is that we are right on top of each other. When I asked about it, he denied it was different and said I read too much into things. Lol. I asked if he'd dated her. He said she always saw him with another woman in their friend group and assumed things that weren't true (i.e. she didn't know he's non-monogamous) so to see him there with me was very interesting to her.
A discussion began after he said I was "too" involved in details of things, reading too much into his body language, because it pissed me off. He just doesn't want me to read the situation, as I had. Stay ignorant, is what it felt like. Also it felt like I shouldn't ask shit and then I shouldn't allow it to affect how I felt. Not happening. I know we aren't exclusive but I also want to stay on top of my feelings about how this affects me. If he isn't going to be flirty and sexy touchy because a server has seen him with someone else, then I'm super not cool with that development.
I said in the vein of me asking for what I wanted, that I wanted him to fuck me silly at my house or on the bar at his work. He said no.
I asked why and he wouldn't tell me. He finally said he had two more dates to go on that Sunday. It was 3 p.m., two dates after that. I said he was saving it for them then. He said no. I told him how I'd told another date last fall who kept mentioning other women's bodies in front of me: why choose hamburger when you have steak in front of you? He got mad about me saying his dates were hamburger. Valid lol. (I'm going to stop saying this as it sounds like I think I'm the best woman on earth and it sounds like I'm dissing other women and I don't mean that.)
Then he said something about me wanting monogamy or something. I said I wanted to build a life with a partner. He then said there were three types of men in the world: one kind of man is open and honest about about being with other women; one is a cheater, tells you he is yours but is cheating; then he looked at me and said, "the third kind of man will be monogamous but will resent you for it."
Yes he said "you" to me. I took it that way. I called bullshit but also it hurt. I asked if he was saying I'd never be enough for a man. He said if anyone could make it work it would be me but I would have to be a bad bitch and tell him I'd cut his balls off if he cheated. I said I didn't want to be in that kind of relationship. I said how much I liked sex and that Cranky and I would have sex nine times in a weekend. We were talking about sex obviously with the whole cheating, monogamous and resenting. He then said, " You know what Larry Flynt said? 'Show me a beautiful woman and I'll show you a man bored of fucking her.'"
he said that
to me, someone he has fucked copiously, or had. I guess he is bored now? Geesh he didn't even let us get a good stride in. The Luscious Lesbian was right in that I was the flavor of the week... that hurts. It all hurt. I sat there in tears.
Stupidly I took it into my soul for a few days. Then I realized, with help from my friends, that it was his shit, his viewpoint, his space. HE would be bored. HE would need someone to say they'd cut his balls off.
We left brunch. He walked me to my door and left the car running. I said he left it running so I wouldn't attack him for sex; he laughed. He left for his two dates.